NMExcretion: a rant

Now most of us know the NME is "a lurid piece of filth"... for those who dont heres a disclaimer before you say "WELL YOU CAN'T TALK, YOUR WRITING ON SOME NOTHING BLOG WHICH NO ONE READS": I'm not perfect, and my skills as a music journalist are at best undeveloped but i really it just to give the "New Musical Express" a good bashing today
Recently have made me VERY FUCKING ANGRY. Normally i have the good grace to ignore the NME and their topman clad readers, thinking that its just ignorance that makes them that way... not an active attempt to disgrace music.But recently I heard things, things that made me think that the NME is just another corporate spy, another pawn in their chessboard to dilute talent and keep Lady Gaga at number one.

See NME DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MUSIC AT ALL. In recent years they have lost credibility, all tasteful judgement and have nothing valid or interesting to say. The worst thing is recently they tacklessly attacked good talented musicians who were in my opinion too independant and uncaring for profits or fame for the NME's liking.

They know they can get away with writing the same old glossy style bullshit because the 14 year old kids and 20 somethings trying to be "down" with said kids will take what they say as the word of god and continue to read and think alex turner deserves his applause after every 3 and a half minutes of talentless guitar torture. What annoys me most is that it's almost a senseless crime. They seem to actively work against many good talented musicians and themselves JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN.

Here are some examples of where the NME fucked up big time (just so you know I didn't buy any copies for research purposes if this is misinformed):

They gave Sam Isaac's album 0 and after 2 lines ran out of things to say about the music so went on a personal vendetta against him, implying his life is a nightmarish wreck. (see it for yourself here)

Worst of all was their take on Blakfish's debut "Champions"; giving it a 1 and describing it as "somewhere between then the pre-menstrual screams of Rolo Tomassi and the American Whines of This Town Needs Guns". (I couldnt find a link for this, just trust me)

Both these albums are fucking fantastic and you should purchase them RIGHT NOW :
Bears by Sam Isaac incredible folky pop, with a lovely voice and beautiful lyrics and catchy tunes that will stay with you for weeks.
Champions by Blakfish awesome hardcore following in the steps of meet me in st louis and reuben. One of the best bands around at the moment.

Ok so fair enough they are entitled to an opinion... but rating these albums so low seems is just attention seeking and annoying. It's like they want to bash "hip" bands to look like they aren't hopping on the band wagon and have some descernable taste. An attempt that fails.

How they have the nerve to do that and then put lilly allen and the cribs on their covers week after week and talk about how "original" the strokes are... This isn't "new" music, this is just playing up to what your audience is comfortable with, what it expects and streamlining popular music to make maximise profits for the big guns.

OK so lets balance this argument and see what interesting "new music" headlines NME have on their website right now: Snoop Dogg for ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’, P Diddy moshes his way through Arctic Monkeys' intimate New York gig: O GOD THAT HIGHLIGHTS NEW TALENTED MUSICIANS LIKE NEVER BEFORE.

Is this madness a results of having an audience of tasteless mugs who take your word as red and play their joy division cds for the millionth time; perhaps.
However the best conclusion for these mind bogglingly crap reviews is that "NME can't write anything but gossip bits for shit and in attempt to impress the new editor decided to just attack everything with slander" quoted from a wise man.

If you like NME
1`- go punch yourself hard enough to make you forget all you know about music journalism
2 - GO BUY FUCKING ARTROCKER (o and read some decent blogs)
3 - RE-EDUCATE YOURSELF

even morrisey hates them
(Disclaimer 2: the NME aren't all bad... they give some good bands coverage, this is heavily outweighed by the above sentiment)